"In bad dreams and broken arms."

"Make these old bones
shiver."

I gained a pound last week and this is what I thought: what a fucking victory.

I won't have to check myself into a "treatment facility" like Nicole Richie or any of the wretched waifs who can't put on necessary weight. I'll never look like I suffer from an eating disorder, and for this I am endlessly grateful.

Isn't it pathetic that so many conspicuously wealthy women appear to be unable to afford food? It's as if instead of groceries they bought another handbag. (After all, the Clenbuterol pills have to be stashed somewhere.)

There was a time when being skinny always meant you had no money. Now these otherwise fortunate women strive to seem as if they're victims of starvation. They're frightful specters and we should be worried by them, for them, and for the other women who emulate them. But you've heard this all before.

Somewhere in Africa, a child with a distended belly is lifting her skeletal hand to her forehead and sighing, "Oh! the irony."

TRACK LISTING: Throwing Muses, "Not Too Soon"