"And the things you can't remember tell the things you can't forget."

"So close your eyes, son,
and this won't hurt a bit."

Things I saw this morning:

The cool, soothing, black-and-white tile of our bathroom floor.

After two weeks of "watchful waiting", the predicted miscarriage occurred. As I went through contraction after contraction, my body lost more and more control. There really was blood, sweat and tears. During the most painful passage, I thought I might faint, or at least throw up. I rocked back and forth; I could barely keep my eyes open; I screamed involuntarily; and then, suddenly, it was over. It was like the last five hours hadn't happened at all.

Hours later, my body moves around with no apparent memory of the miscarriage. Nevertheless, I don't think I can go through this again without painkillers (ie. something stronger than a couple of Advils), and I think my body has made it clear to me that I am not cut out for natural childbirth.

TRACK LISTING: Tom Waits, "Time"