"She had the body of a Venus!"

"Lord, imagine my surprise!"

Things I saw in an article on Defamer today:

The "mystery" of Larry Wachowski revisited!

Man, I'd forgotten all about this. But so what? Sure, the Rolling Stone investigation (reportedly based on an article from Wired News) quotes a "bondage-world source" explaining that the disappointing Matrix: Reloaded and Matrix: Revolutions are a result of LW being distracted by his personal life. I personally didn't enjoy those movies and am only lukewarm about the first Matrix film, but again, so what? A lot of directors with "normal" propensities make totally shitty movies ALL THE TIME. If LW is happy, then that's all we need to know, and really, we don't even need to know that much.

(Ah, but I can't help myself!)

TRACK LISTING: Aerosmith, "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)" (I know, I know, it's crass, it's crass)

"Gimme a beat!"

"No, my first name ain't 'Baby'!"

Things I saw online this evening, courtesy of Gawker:

Superstar Tionna Tee!

I didn't pay much attention to Gawker's initial, amused and amusing posts on Ms Tionna, but when they gave her an advice column I couldn't help but pay attention. It's the real thing, people. It is SO. FOR. REALS. It is real and it is spectacular.

TRACK LISTING: Janet Jackson, "Nasty"

[NOTE: The woman in the photo above is NOT Tionna Smalls, if that's what you thought. The woman in the photo is our friend Anna from Winnipeg, who is AWESOME in her own right.]

"Oh! What would I do, if not for you?"

"Anyway,
it wouldn't ring true,
if not for you."

Things I saw online today, courtesy of a Defamer article and an Ion Cinema link:

The trailer for I'm Not There.

Though I like Bob Dylan, I never thought I'd be interested in this film. Now I feel like I want to see it! Yes, I've witnessed how Todd Haynes has handled the musical biopic in the past, but despite my severe disappointment in Velvet Goldmine (and some might even call that disappointment "hate"), I can't help but be fond of Superstar (or at least the idea of Superstar, as I've never actually seen the film and will likely never see it as it's all banned and whatnot). Maybe I'm Not There won't be surprisingly boring and muddled. Er...hmmm.

(Hey! Do you think Haynes will have various musicians cover Dylan's songs for a soundtrack album, instead of just limiting the interpretations to actors? That Velvet Goldmine record was fun!)

Okay, but Far From Heaven was beautiful, right? So I'm willing to believe that Haynes can admirably tackle period pieces of any style, as opposed to just the gay ones. I don't know. I mean, there's a good chance that I'm Not There will be pretentious nonsense, but...man, Cate Blanchett is awesome, isn't she? I don't even care about Batman or The Joker and his lovely wife fiancée, all of whom I generally love. No, if I end up watching this thing, it'll probably be because of Blanchett and Blanchett alone. I'm smitten!

TRACK LISTING: Bob Dylan, "If Not for You"

[NOTE: The model in the photo at the top of this entry is my husband, who is not a Bob Dylan fan.]

"Blessed are the pure at heart for they shall see God."

"So close your eyes and dream."

Things I saw this evening:

The lives of others.

Earlier today, I'd read a post that SBP had written about The Exorcist, and I'd commented on how frightening I find that film to this day. I didn't imagine that I'd see an equally chilling film a few hours later, with such a similar theme.

SBP replied to my comment by remarking that "evil knowing no limits is effectively depicted" in The Exorcist, and I would argue that The Magdalene Sisters effectively depicts the evils that can result when faith knows no limits. I cannot deny that faith is important and necessary for so many; be warned, however, that faith without reason is a terribly blinding, dangerous path.

TRACK LISTING: Me'Shell NdegéOcello, "Mary Magdalene"

[NOTE: The image above is a still taken from Sex in a Cold Climate, one of the inspirations for The Magdalene Sisters.]

"Don't stop! Don't stop the dance."

"No -- more music!
Don't stop the dance."

Things I saw on television tonight:

SAAA-BRA! SAAA-BRA!

It sounds totally lame to say "She's the one I wanted to win" because anyone can say that AFTER the results of a competition have been announced, but it's true! I LOVE Sabra. She's a great, deserving dancer, and in light of the previous winners, it was encouraging to think that a female -- a non-white female -- a short, non-white female (haha) -- could be the champion. Besides, it would have felt like something of a boring, easy cheat if a sibling of a previous winner or runner-up had taken the title of AMERICA'S FAVORITE DANCER^TM, no matter how awesome that sibling might be.

Seriously, though, so many of this year's crop was awesome. Ah! I loved them so. Jesús! Anya! Hok, so persevering! Sara, dear Sara! Hammy, hammy Dominic! Lauren, cute as a button! Pasha the gentleman (who shouldn't have placed such high value on shirtlessness -- have we learned nothing from Dmitry?)! Even you, The Dude (the Most Improved)! I will miss all of you as much as I will miss Sabra and Danny and Lacey. And oh! wait! There's more! Miss Cat (so lovely)! Wade Robson's kooky, herky-jerky routines! Guest judge Adam Shankman! Come back! Come back! I need an excuse to sit around doing nothing while eating ice cream.

Sigh. I think I need a moment.

TRACK LISTING: Bryan Ferry, "Don't Stop the Dance"

"The mystical divinity of unashamed felinity!"

"Life to the everlasting cat!"

Things I saw online today, courtesy of Gawker:

THE SCARIEST KITTY LADY IN THE WORLD!

TRACK LISTING: Original Broadway Cast of Cats, "Jellicle Songs for Jellicle Cats"

[NOTE: Yes, I KNOW that the subject of the photo above is a RACCOON, an animal that doesn't even come from the same FAMILY as a cat (raccoons are from Procyonidae, not Felidae -- thank you, Wikipedia). It's just that I wanted a picture of a creature as creepy as the idea of LIVING WITH 130 CATS. Brrrgghh.]

"I wanna go to cool places with you!"

"Cool places tonight!"

Things I saw online today:

Pam is a Troma girl!

Sure, she's married to a Troma guy, but she's made a film of her own for the company! Granted, it's not typical Troma fare, but still....

I guess it just makes me imagine that JF is one of the real cool girls in the neighbourhood, and maybe when she's not on the set she hangs out with the cool "LC" and does cool, relaxed things that don't actively court the paparazzi, and maybe if Lauren Ambrose didn't live in New York they'd all hang out together, except maybe there would be occasions when JF and LC wouldn't call LA because she might be kind of a drag, like that Saturday night when they didn't care and just went to see The Ex because, you know, whatever, right? It sounded like fun at the time.

TRACK LISTING: Sparks with Jane Wiedlin, "Cool Places"

"You're fragile as a scene, you know."

"Who's your only friend, kid?"

Things I saw today on Gawker:

Touché!

(Or, perhaps, Douché! Either one. The headline is cleverly great as well!)

(Kelvin-referencing tagline? Also clever and great!)

You know, sometimes on days when I am too tired and lazy to contemplate racism or my own self-hate or what have you, I am actually thankful that I am naturally brown and not some pale chick incomprehensibly desperate to appear otherwise. On that note, it just occurred to me that there are probably racists out there who slavishly use bronzer or UV radiation or just plain old sunbaths to add a little "color", as if their ranting and raving needed to appear any more ridiculous or hypocritical. HAA-ha!

TRACK LISTING: Beulah, "What Will You Do When Your Suntan Fades?"

[NOTE: The woman in the photo above is crazy, crazy, Edie Beale, as pictured in a scene from Grey Gardens.]

"I really pity you, and I don't want you."

"It's so hard
to face your face!"

Things I saw today, courtesy of The Fug Girls:

Oh, good lord.

If Mary Jo Eustace is crying her heart out over this douche, I am positive that her tears will dry immediately upon seeing his look in that photo. Yikes!

Certainly Miss Jobs standing there beside him deserves half the extramarital blame, no? Unfortunately, I often forget as I am too blinded by my adoration of her officiating gay weddings. Also there was that funny, Scientologyunidentifiable cult-skewering episode of her mostly not-so-great show. I liked that episode, so obviously I am beyond help.

If it's any consolation to you guys, though, she'll probably end up looking like Amanda Lepore one day, at which point "McFugmott" will feel compelled to leave her and crawl back into the hole from whence he came. (And I don't mean Canada, jerks.) Then TS can go hang out with Heatherette (or something)! I'm not sure if this is a happy or sad future.

TRACK LISTING: The Dickies, "Hideous"

[NOTE: The image above is a detail from page 4 of "Archie in 'Happiness Is'", taken from Betty and Veronica: Double Digest Magazine No.35 (Archie Comic Publications, 1992).]

"Hey! Hey! Hey! You better let them have their way."

"Hey! Hey! Hey!
You better get out of the way."

Things I saw at the grocery store this afternoon:

Adolescent girls in a displaced standoff.

The Forest Hill Market is an entirely different place at noon on a weekday than it is when I am usually there, which is after work or on the weekends, with all the other grown-ups. In the eerie stillness of midday, teenagers roam the aisles of the grocery as if they were high school hallways, with all inherent politics and social codes intact.

Two pretty and well-dressed girls stand in front of the ice cream freezer, surveying various pints of Häagen-Dazs and Ben & Jerry's. Three rougher-looking girls walk by, slowly; one of these other girls makes a remark, either to or about the ice cream girls. Two of the tough girls rush quickly up the aisle, away from the ice cream girls, leaving the third still walking slowly, looking slightly perplexed. The two supposed badasses now peer around the corner, down the frozen food aisle, their hands gripping a Ritter Sport display.

"Come on, Angela!" one of them yells at the third girl. "Make a break for it!" The two girls then erupt into peals of laughter. Angela is laughing as well, sort of, as she nears them; she's walking a little faster but still looks confused. She shrugs her shoulders with the palms of her hands facing up, like, What do you want me to do?

The ice cream girls glare up the aisle, their eyes trained on the other three girls with laser-like precision, their facial expressions a mixture of mild shock, brittle amusement and imagined superiority. The other three girls scurry off, possibly into the dairy aisle, and the ice cream girls walk away empty-handed. I realize that I don't need anything from the freezer, and that I don't miss high school at all.

TRACK LISTING: MC5, "High School"

"And the things you can't remember tell the things you can't forget."

"So close your eyes, son,
and this won't hurt a bit."

Things I saw this morning:

The cool, soothing, black-and-white tile of our bathroom floor.

After two weeks of "watchful waiting", the predicted miscarriage occurred. As I went through contraction after contraction, my body lost more and more control. There really was blood, sweat and tears. During the most painful passage, I thought I might faint, or at least throw up. I rocked back and forth; I could barely keep my eyes open; I screamed involuntarily; and then, suddenly, it was over. It was like the last five hours hadn't happened at all.

Hours later, my body moves around with no apparent memory of the miscarriage. Nevertheless, I don't think I can go through this again without painkillers (ie. something stronger than a couple of Advils), and I think my body has made it clear to me that I am not cut out for natural childbirth.

TRACK LISTING: Tom Waits, "Time"

"Touchy subject!"

"I ain't wanna paint this picture!"

Things I saw on the subway this morning:

Thong-th-thong-thong-thong!

Well, actually, it wasn't so much thong as it was top of faded purple thong, with tag turned out for all to see, between rumpled white cotton t-shirt and very low-slung brown trousers. The woman wearing the thong in question had just made a nice gesture, getting up from her seat a little early so that a middle-aged woman could sit down, so PF and I felt like we should do something nice for her and tell her that her underwear AND underwear tag were showing.

Except we didn't know how to tell her! How do you politely inform a complete stranger that her clothing is in a compromising position? I mean, why were we even looking in the first place, right? We chickened out and tried not to stare at the tag that was basically gouging our eyes out. I thought maybe she might, eventually, hopefully sooner than later, absentmindedly tug her shirt down as women often do when they feel as if a draft is whooshing up their backs, and possibly down their backs as well. But I also thought that it would serve me right if I walked around for the rest of my day with, like, a wad of chewing gum stuck to my bum.

TRACK LISTING: Erick Sermon, "Do You Know"

"Her nose job is real atomic!"

"All she needs is
an old knife scar!"

Things I saw on my way to pick up lunch this afternoon:

An underfed, overtanned, bleach blonde with ridiculously long legs, wearing very short shorts and walking into an office building. My first thought was that she was a stripper from the club down the street, for which I immediately felt terrible.

Part of me was thinking, Oh! she is so tacky! Also she might have an eating disorder, but another part of me was suddenly feeling quite short and dumpy.

TRACK LISTING: Blondie, "Rip Her to Shreds"

"There’s a time when every girl learns to use her head."

"Tears will be saved
'til they’re better spent."

Things I saw today on the internet's rippling, gossiping waves, in the wake of television coverage for voyeurs like me:

Train wreck, car crash, etc etc. And so on and so on.

TRACK LISTING: Romeo Void, "A Girl in Trouble (Is a Temporary Thing)"

"She's a power girl in a Nineties world!"

"And she knows just what to do!"

Things I saw today on television:

Alright, FINE, Posh, you preposterous toothpick. Well-played.

TRACK LISTING: Spice Girls, "The Lady is a Vamp"

"So left alone we’re just simple bricks."

"But as soon as we’re together
we are wall."

Things I saw today in my hometown:

A dear friend's years of hard work taking on a new, amazing shape.

TRACK LISTING: The Beautiful South, "Space"

"But, serious."

"You're so serious!"

Things I saw on the ride to work this morning:

Two young women, discussing the cons of a retail workplace. We pull up at a stop and one of the girls examines a film poster hanging in a glass shelter.

"That doesn't look like Tobey Maguire," she says.

"I'm not going to see that movie," her friend replies. "I didn't like the first one."

"What was the first one about?" the first woman asks, then answers her own question (with the tone of a question). "The Goblin?"

Her friend nods. "And the second one was about the octopus guy."

"Right."

"I'm not going to see that movie."

"The second one?"

"I didn't see that one, either. I didn't like the first one!"

"I might see it."

"They don't pay me for overtime!"

TRACK LISTING: Franz Ferdinand, "I'm Your Villain"

"And I'm here to remind you."

"It was a slap in the face
how quickly
I was replaced."

Things I saw on television this evening:

An homage to Alanis Morissette (no, not that homage).

I'd never noticed or heard about the similarities before (and anyway, SR has ditched the nose ring and clearly cares more about fashion now, so whatever, jerks)! Still, watching the video for "Weak in the Knees", it was difficult to ignore the parallels between SR and AM's vocal styling. (The women also seem to share an earthy aesthetic, though SR's appearance continues to edge closer to a more girlish look, sort of like Feist.) Sometimes SR's face would remind me of AM in the Nineties, too. It wasn't that these common qualities were good or bad...they just were. Hmm.

I know, right?

No, you are TOTALLY off base!

I agree with both of you to some extent and also my love for SR is boundless.

Well, good for the supposed former hometown girl for leaving such an indelible stamp on the face of pop culture that those who arrive in her wake are subjected to comparison, for better or for worse. That's how legends are made! (Again, for better or for worse.)

TRACK LISTING: Alanis Morissette, "You Oughta Know"

"When it gets through to me, it's always new to me."

"It takes me out of my head."

Things I saw while walking up the street, on my way to meet PF:

Doppelgängers!

I thought I saw Goddess Trish, but the woman was too heavy. I haven't seen Trish in ages. Would I have said hello?

I thought I saw Li! Of course, that would be odd, because what would she be doing away from home in the middle of the week? Anyway, this woman was too short.

I thought I saw Adam Segal, too, with longer hair and thicker frames on his glasses. I wouldn't know where to begin to look for him.

Why am I so fooled? I remember waiting for Amy and Leila a couple of weeks ago; I thought I saw them everywhere in the passing crowd of pedestrians. We were meeting after more than a year -- maybe even two or three years in Amy's case -- but I've known them for half my life, so I could never forget their faces. Yet I made these mistakes, finding them in the form of five or six different pairs of women, including a mother and her young child. I am constantly, subconsciously, turning strangers into friends.

TRACK LISTING: Foreigner, "Double Vision"

"The conscious liberation of the female state!"

"The 'inferior sex'
got a new exterior!"

Things I saw at work today, after being sucked into the Internet Vortex:

People going CRAZY over an extremely straight-talking public access superstar from Atlanta.

Holy shit!


TRACK LISTING: Eurythmics with Aretha Franklin, "Sisters Are Doin' It for Themselves"