"They always claim they know me."

"Comin' to me,
call me Stacy."

When I was much younger, I loved Kids Incorporated, and when I say "loved", you best believe I mean LUVVED, l-u-etc etc. Alright, granted, I only loved it from 1984 through, like, 1987 (a year or so after the departure of the artist formerly known as Marta Marrero -- at least that was her name in the pilot and first season credits -- and certainly before the arrival of The Ghost Whisperer). In 1987, I turned 11 and soon considered myself above such trifles as children's shows in which the cast broke out into plot-modified covers of contemporary pop songs, especially when there were newly-minted teenage shows in which the cast broke out into plot-modified covers of classic pop songs, thank you very much. Also, I think WROC stopped carrying Kids Incorporated around that time, so, you know, whatever.

But! from 1984 through 1987, half an hour of every Saturday morning was devoted to watching Kids Inc. I worshipped the wee performers, but none more so than Stacy. Sure, Gloria was cool and Renee was smart, but Stacy was my age, so (naturally) I chose her as a role model. I wished my hair was blonde; I wished my first name was Stacy; I wished my last name was Ferguson; and so on. I even bought puffy, plastic, rainbow-themed, personalized "Stacy" stickers and decorated various items with them, as if that wasn't TOTALLY WEIRD.

I didn't keep track of Stacy after I'd moved on from Kids Incorporated, probably because this was a pre-Google, pre-computer ubiquity era, but I do remember seeing some Wild Orchid years later and thinking, "Hmm, those girls are wearing a LOT of makeup...oh...no...did she just say her name is Stacy Ferguson? Wait. Is that RENEE beside her?" I remember thinking that this sort of low- to mid-level fame made sense as part of a post-Kids career arc, like being a somewhat indistinct member of an R&B-lite girl group was a completely logical next step for a former syndicated television player. I mean, how many "Toy Soldiers" could the world handle, right?

When my childhood idol resurfaced as a Black Eyed Pea, I didn't make the connection between Fergie and Stacy Ferguson (and no, it had nothing to do with (alleged) plastic surgery rendering her unrecognizable). Sometimes I still find myself gripped with mild disbelief, like when I'm riding to work on a streetcar and it just hits me, She's the motherf-ing DUTCHESS! Wha?

TRACK LISTING: Fergie, "Fergalicious"